Dear Colin

I commiserate you on your recent lack of success with the 70 year-old ladies. While congratulating you on your open-mindedness, I feel emboldened to point out the considerably greater likelihood of success that your amatory advances would have with 47 year-old gay men (such as, incidentally, myself). In fact, I can confirm on behalf of 47 year-old gay men just about everywhere that should you require an evening's intimate relaxation, or even just a "quickie" blow-job, we would be more than delighted to help out.

Yours, any way you want me,
Loldemort

Gorgeous Irish heartthrob actor Colin Farrell, 28, tried for two and a half hours to get Dame Eileen Atkins into bed on her 70th birthday. Though considerably flattered, Atkins denied the request since she felt her body really wasn't going to give him pleasure.

Cocteau's beautiful description of a man's body

In Le livre blanc Cocteau writes of:

a perfect body, rigged out with muscles like a ship with ropes, its limbs appearing to open out like a star around that fleece where there rises, in contrast to woman, who is built for concealment, the only thing about a man which cannot lie.

I must read the French, but the English is very good. The trouble is, you can pick several holes in it: from its old-fashioned idea that womens' sexual parts are concealed to the very dodgy assertion that a man's penis tells the truth. You know what he means: the penis can neither conceal its desire nor fake it. But pity those who mistake its fleeting interest for anything "more".

Still, it has that amazing simile, "rigged out with muscles like a ship with ropes" which alone is worth an evening's awestruck contemplation, and the star, and the fleece. It may not be perfect, but it is still very, very good.