Sunday, May 08, 2005

Dear Colin

I commiserate you on your recent lack of success with the 70 year-old ladies. While congratulating you on your open-mindedness, I feel emboldened to point out the considerably greater likelihood of success that your amatory advances would have with 47 year-old gay men (such as, incidentally, myself). In fact, I can confirm on behalf of 47 year-old gay men just about everywhere that should you require an evening's intimate relaxation, or even just a "quickie" blow-job, we would be more than delighted to help out.

Yours, any way you want me,

Gorgeous Irish heartthrob actor Colin Farrell, 28, tried for two and a half hours to get Dame Eileen Atkins into bed on her 70th birthday. Though considerably flattered, Atkins denied the request since she felt her body really wasn't going to give him pleasure.

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